


Why you gotta be so rude?

by Bangtan_Benhead



Category: Deadpool (Comics), Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel (Comics), Spider-Man (Comicverse), Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Ultimate Spider-Man (Cartoon)
Genre: Boys Will Be Boys, Breakfast, Deadpool's inner voices - Freeform, Family Drama, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Overprotective, Parental Steve, Peter is seriously embarrased, Rated for Deadpool's Language, Spideypool - Freeform, Stony - Freeform, Superfamily (Marvel), Tony Being Tony, True Love, Ultimate Spider-Man - Freeform, Wade Being Wade
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-09
Updated: 2015-01-09
Packaged: 2018-03-06 19:05:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3145208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bangtan_Benhead/pseuds/Bangtan_Benhead
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wade Wilson - aka Deadpool - is a deadly and maniacal mercenary.<br/>He is in love with Peter Parker - aka Spiderman.<br/>And they want to get married.<br/>Peter's adoptive parents, the tycoon Tony Stark and his husband, Steve Rogers - aka Iron Man and Captain America - do not approve this.</p>
<p>A meeting with the 'Superfamily' will become a little awkward. There is no need to be rude. Wade has feelings too!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why you gotta be so rude?

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Why you gotta be so rude?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3138383) by [Bangtan_Benhead](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bangtan_Benhead/pseuds/Bangtan_Benhead). 



> This traslation was requested by a guest, so I thought 'why not?' and here it is.  
> Hope you enjoy it.   
> This is a #Spideypool One-shot.
> 
> Disclaimer: I have no rights over the characters mentioned in the story. They're all property of the Marvel Universe and Stan Lee. I only own the story and the writing.
> 
> Please, forgive the spelling and/or grammar errors bellow. I did my best, however English is not my Mother language. And it shows.  
> Anyways, thank you for reading!
> 
> Also, note before starting: Wade's inner voices/other personalities would be pointed out mainly between " ", ' ' and > signs.

 

 

Saturday. 8:30 am.

The alarm clock emitted the most annoying noise Wade had ever heard since, well… there was no more annoying sound than that one – even when many people would disagree and say his voice was the most detestable noise of all. Anyways…

_‘Wake up! Wake up! It’s time to get up, sleepyhead! C’mon, up you big guy!’,_ hummed one of the mini-Deadpool’s inside his head.

The brunet groaned in response, burying his face down in the pillow.

 

-          It’s too early – he complained – Gimme five minutes more... or a couple of centuries!

 

The creaky thing was still sounding at his side, on the night table. With a growl and an agile movement of his wrist, Wade took out his Sai from under the pillow and brutally stabbed the alarm clock until it finally shut up.

He sighed, going back to the calm and tranquility. Why the hell had he bought that thing? And why was it ringing so insistently at this hour? What kind of evil being had programmed it like that? It was eight thirty in the morning, for Odin’s beard! And SATURDAY!  
Surely there must be some law against being out of bed in such hours.  
Dismissing the matter, he chose to go back to the placidity of the arms of Morpheus. Under no circumstances would he renounce to his so precious rest.

 

_‘Wade. Wade. Wade! Get up! Today’s the day!’_ , the voice rumbled hard inside of his head, making him to startle and fall out of the bed, turned into a tangle of sheets.

 

-          Dammit! Today’s the day! – He repeated to himself, exalted.

 

He fought against the bed sheets for a few seconds, which seemed to want to suck him back into the bed. _Not today_ , he told himself, springing to his feet. That was the only reason that could ever get Wade Winston Wilson out of bed a Saturday morning.  Today was the great day. The day that would change his life forever… if everything went just as he expected.

 

Did he need a bath, maybe? There was no need to waste water on such irrelevant matters, isn’t it? He raised an arm to sniff himself.

_‘Oh, man! Were you keeping a dead squirrel in there? You stink!’_

-          Hey, that was rude! – Wade pouted, somewhat insulted. – If I stink, then you stink too.

_< < Kaboom! Let’s explode something! >>_

_‘Not now. He needs to take a shower and get ready for his big day.’_ , the first one scolded.

-          Why are you always such a killjoy? – Wade snorted, rolling his eyes.

 

Without thinking about it, he ran to the bathroom and turned on the water, preparing a quick shower. Well, actually he did not wait for the water to be tempered; he just jumped into it – which he regretted immediately, since the water was freezing cold. Skipping and letting out an occasional shriek in reaction to the cold jets that fell over his shoulders, Wade quickly reached for the bottle of shampoo and proceeded with his shower.

Once he was done with it, he turned it off and walked out of the shower, sopping and shaking. Well, that would have been the worst bath he had ever had! But it was worth it. Oh, it was so worth it!

Although he couldn't feel his fingertips and his lips were blue, he boasted a wide grin on the mirror, not being able to erase it of his face. His face. Oh, well... what could he do about it? It was covered with scars – some of them more subtle, some others not that pretty; an evident bullet hole in the middle of his forehead –, that was right, but underneath he could still appreciate the soft tanned skin and the outline of his features - which were quite good-looking, to be honest.

_‘Of course they are. We’re beautiful!’_

_“Ladies love us, what can we do about it?”_

_< < CHIMICHANGAS! >>_

 

Being there in front of the sink, he took his toothbrush – which for some strange luck hadn’t rotten yet and was still usable – and smeared it with toothpaste so that he could clean his teeth. _‘I mean, what else can you do with a toothbrush, you clever boys?’_ , the mini-Deadpool snorted.

_“Well…”_

_‘No. I don’t want you to answer that. Your imagination disturbs me.’_ , he retorted.

Wade passed a small towel over his brown hair, scrubbing it and drying it – just as he chuckled at the inner argument of his imaginary mini-self’s. He immediately took his brush and tried to set his hair in some way that made him look presentable. Combing it all back was not the best option.  To the side? Too nerd. To the front? Too _emo_. Upwards? Too punk.

_“Damn! Just leave it like that!”._ And he obeyed the mini-Deadpool.

 

-          Hey, you’re right! I look sexy. – he smiled pleased at his reflection – I would definitely ask myself out if I hadn’t got a date for today.

 

_‘Okay, c’mon. You must hurry if you don’t wanna be late.’_ , urged the first mini-Deadpool, the grumpiest of all – but, no doubt, the saner side of Wade.

He walked out of the bathroom and went to choose his clothes for the important breakfast he was having today. Se stepped in front of his closet, opening the wooden doors wide open, staring into critically.

 

-          Mmm… let’s see… No… Nope… No… – He began to discard each of the clothes were hung on hooks. In fact, there were only two items there, and one of them was Deadpool costume. – Ugh, why the heck I have this? … No… nope… neither… Never! … Nope… Hey, what ‘bout this one?

 

He took one of the hooks – the other clothes hook – and pulled it out, putting it up for everyone – that is, he and his other personalities in his head – could see it. It was a plain white shirt, buttons, quite simple, but it must do. It was the only shirt around his wardrobe that didn’t have any sauce stains, blood or bullet holes. Neither looked soiled or torn.

_“I like it.”_ , one of the mini-Deadpool’s commented, his most flirty side.

_‘Perfect. Now, let’s see if you have any decent pants’._

 

With a nod, Wade dug through piles of clothes that were scattered everywhere. He examined pants he found in his way, but everyone seemed dirty and some stank. Then he remembered that there was a drawer in the cabinet next to his closet where they were supposed to be kept clean pants.

Hopeful, he went to try his luck and found only a couple of black jeans, and at first glance they looked pretty decent. At least, they didn't have holes or a rat growing up inside.

All Right! He was almost ready. He donned the clothes he had chosen – the shirt, in fact, was a little wrinkled from the edges, but who would notice? – and then put on his beloved and old black _Converse_. Well… some things are hopeless. He took his leather jacket from the back of his chair, sliding his arms into its sleeves and putting it on his shoulders. He took a last look at the full length mirror that was next to the bathroom door, giving himself a tick.

 

_“You look fabulous!”_ , the mini-Deadpool flattered. _“If you weren’t me, I would totally eat that, nicy!”_

 

-          Oh, please, stop it! You’re makin’ me blush. – Wade laughed, fanning his face with one hand in a dramatic and overacted way.

 

So Wade rushed out of his luxurious yet neglected apartment, taking the keys to his car and leaving the building as soon as possible – running over a poor old woman on his way out of the elevator. He went to the parking lot and, in one fluid motion, climbed into his superb red convertible, starting the engine.

 

The speedometer scored over sixty miles per hour when he left the parking lot – far above the speed limit on the streets of New York. He stopped at a small florist that was on his way, and didn’t hesitate to buy the most ostentatious red roses bouquet they had.

Red. It has always been his favorite color. Red was the color of the pepperoni in the pizza, the color of the ketchup, the color of his enemy’s blood, the color of his car, of the traffic signs he couldn’t care less to ignore, the color of passion and love, of his mercenary suit and was the color of his amazing and very loved Spiderman.

Oh, Spidey! That guy was worth everything! Wade couldn’t remember having been so happy before meeting the ever so smart and fascinating Spiderman, much less after he had agreed to go out with him on their first date – after a few hundreds of tries, of course. Peter Parker had changed his life, had brought color and excitement to his world. And, damn it! He loved him so much.

They had been, to date, a splendid year in relationship – which continued to impress everyone, mainly Wade, who had never gotten his relationships last longer than a few hours before being thrown, possibly after… well… In short, Wade didn't have a fruitful love life.  
Peter was the first official boyfriend he had, and the only one he hoped to have, if all went according to the plan.

 

A few blocks later, he was facing the impressive Stark mansion. He couldn’t believe the great day had finally arrived. It was the big day! The big day! The day he would dare to go one step further in his relationship with Peter, the day that would determine his future with the love of his life.

With the bouquet of roses in hand - obstructing his sight almost entirely - he rang the bell and waited, feeling the nerves to the skin. The mini-Deadpool's got to roll call, checking that everything was in perfect order.

_‘Alright, let’s check… Breath?’_

_“READY!”,_ sang the flirty-Deadpool.

_‘Outfit?’_

_“READY!”_

_‘Flowers?’_

_“REA-DY!”_

_‘Smile?’_

_“Re-…! Wade, what the hell is that? You call that a smile?”,_ he scolded. Wade winced, trying to outline the best smile he could, but nerves betrayed him. He had begun to sweat.

_‘Okay. Chillax, champ! Breathe. If you could convince Petey to go out with you, sure you can handle this.’_

_< < If you could kick the asses and get rid of a bunch of bad guys for him, how bad can this be? >>_

_“If you could have him laid in several occasions without his parents’ consent, why couldn’t you face this?”_

 

Wade pondered, nodding at the advice of his mini-alter-egos. They were right. Yes, of course he could do it. He would do it for Peter, because he was worth everything and more. He was ready to face the consequences.

He heard footsteps on the other side of the door, and almost instantly it opened, revealing a not very happy Tony Stark.

 

-          ‘Morning, Mr. Stark! – Wade greeted him with a bright smile – This is for you and your husband. – He said and handed him the pompous bouquet of roses.

Tony grimaced, taking the bouquet and staring at Wade with skepticism. He was dressed for the occasion, with a lavender colored shirt – evidently of some expensive brand for its design and workmanship – and dressing pants. Behind him, Wade could see the tall, burly figure of his husband. The blond man greeted him with a brief nod.

-          Wade.

-          Captain Rogers. – He said back, nodding as well.

 

Don’t panic, Wadey. Don’t panic. C’mon, you know them. They’re just Iron Man and Captain America, the heads of the Avengers and two legendary superheroes.  How bad could it be?

 

-          Come in, Wade. – Mister Stark invited, piercing the younger man with a glare.

 

The brunet gulped and nodded, following both men into the dazzling Stark mansion. Everything seemed impeccable and luxurious. One or two technological devices were there, surely Tony's inventions. They passed by the spacious living room, which held a plasma screen of at least 100 inches.

Ignoring the astonishment of Wade to such possession, Tony and Steve entered into the room where stood waiting an anxious and somewhat embarrassed Peter. Seeing him, Wade grinned, and Peter couldn’t help smiling back.

 

-          Morning, Petey-Pie. You look gorgeous, as always. – Wade fawned, winking at his boyfriend.

The teenager blushed notoriously at the compliment, refraining himself from rolling his eyes and make some sarcastic remark in front of his parents, and opting to return the flattery.

-          Thanks Wade. You look very handsome too.

-          Yeah, yeah, yeah. We’re all lovely. – Tony said, with sharp tone.

-          Take a seat, Wade. – Steve said, more gently than his husband.

-          Thank you, sir.

 

Peter threw Tony a warning glance, but rather it was a pleading one. He could only think, “Please, not this time, Dad. Don’t get in overprotective plan”.  The four waited in awkward silence for a few minutes, staring at each other not knowing what to say, until JARVIS told them they could go to the dining room.

 

-          Sir, breakfast is already served. – The mechanical voice announced.

-          Thanks JARVIS. – Tony nodded, leading everyone to the dining room.

 

Once there, they set out to take their places on the elegant table. In a very gallant gesture, Wade stepped forward to pull the chair in which his cute boyfriend aimed to sit.

-          My lady. – He said with a bow, inviting Peter to take a seat.

 

The hazel eyed boy scowled at him, but made a smile to disguise. He leaned slightly toward him to whisper a subtle ‘I'll let it go this time because you're being gentlemanly, Wilson’.

Wade smiled, amused, and sat right next to him. Tony Stark's eyes were firmly on him, in a creepily severe way, giving him a warning look. Tony was never that earnest unless it was about his beloved son. Everybody knew it.

 

The maids took charge of setting the table for breakfast, so it was all set. The four proceeded to eat, including small talk about the weather, the perfect grades Peter got in university, the quiet agenda that had the Avengers and more trivia.

Wade was unsure about how to properly address the issue. He took Peter’s hand on the table and gently squeezed it, as if looking for support. The younger boy smiled at him softly, squeezing his hand back. Of course Tony’s flaming eyes fell upon them as if he were Hawkeye pointing at his target, probably cursing Wade in his mind as he glared at him. Wade took a deep breath.

 

Steve cleared his throat, trying to soften the tension in the atmosphere. He didn’t seem much comfortable with the issue of a breakfast with his son’s boyfriend either, but that had been requested by Peter, who told them they had something important to say. Oh, for Fury’s eye, it better be nothingness!

The ex-soldier spoke:

-          Well… what was it you wanted to tell us? – He asked, flashing a tight smile.

He definitely didn’t want to make that question, and he received the weight of Tony’s glare immediately, but they had to finish with the matter as soon as possible. Wade smiled.

-          Mr. Stark, Mr. Rogers. I know you’re of old-fashioned customs.

-          Old-fashioned? – Tony huffed, somewhat incensed, but he refrained himself from adding a ‘Leave that to Cap’.

-          What I mean is… – He mumbled, nervously. He exchanged a gaze with Peter and they both smiled. – We wanted to do this in front of you, so you could give us your blessing.

-          Our blessing? What do you want our blessing for?

 

If something Tony Stark was not, that was stupid. Of course he knew where all this led and didn’t like. No, he didn't like it at all, so he preferred to turn a blind eye. Steve gave him a look of reprimand, placing his hand on his husband's.

 

-          Wade and I are getting married. – Peter finally said, with a huge smile lighting up his face.

 

_< < Yeah! Woohoo! >>_, sang excitedly the least sane of the mini-Deadpool’s.

 

Steve paled, and Tony’s expression became unreadable; they simply stared at them with wide eyes, shocked. None found speech for several seconds, which seemed endless to the young couple. Wade and Peter started getting a little nervous when there was no immediate response.

Then suddenly, Tony exploded:

-          YOU WHAT?!

 

The three present were startled by the furious roar of Stark. Peter looked alarmed at his father, then directing his fearful eyes to Steve, then to Wade – who seemed frozen in place.

 

-          When did you decide it? – Steve asked, troubled.

-          A few weeks ago. – Peter admitted, sheepishly. – We’d have told you before, but we were not sure of your reaction.

-          Are you insane, Wilson? There’s no way I’d let you marry my son! Peter is just a kid! – Tony said.

-          Dad, I’m twenty! Please, I’m almost an adult. – The mentioned complained, pouting.

-          Almost. – He remarked. – So until you are, you’ll still follow the rules in this house. You’re not marrying that dude, he’s a freaking psycho.

-          Ouch! Thanks. I’m still here. – Wade was noted with a grimace.

-          Dad, you said you were not behaving that way!

-          Well, you never mentioned you were planning to marry a bloody mercenary.

-          Really, I can actually hear what you’re sayin’. – Wade insisted, frowning. – I have feelings, y’know? I’m just a man!

-          You’re a mutant, Wilson.

-          Tony, apologize. You’re being rude and childish. – The blond interfered severely.

-          Me, childish? But they’re the ones who had this absurd idea that I’d consent to a marriage like that!

-          Dad! – Peter shouted, his face flushed because of the anger and shame. – Apologize to Wade! He doesn’t deserve such a treatment, he’s my boyfriend.

-          Precisely. What makes you think you deserve my son? – Tony snapped, glaring directly at Wade as if he wanted to strangulate him that way. Oh, if only he had had his suit on…!

-          Well, I know I don’t deserve him, Mr. Stark. Peter is too good for any person. But I love him, and never in life would I hurt nor let anything happen to him. I’m in love with him, and he’s in love with me, so I don’t see why we shouldn’t be together.

 

That said, Tony was speechless for a moment, directing his gaze to his son, as questioning the veracity of Wade’s words. Peter nodded in response, holding Wade’s hand with determination.

 

-          I love him, dad. And I’m happy by his side. – He assured. – And it doesn’t really matter what’s your opinion about this. It’s my life, and it’s my decision. I want to be with Wade, with or without your blessing.

 

There was silence between the four for several moments. Tony couldn’t believe what he had heard; Steve couldn’t find the words to speak. Wade looked at Peter, taking their intertwined hands and directing them to his mouth, placing a soft kiss on the back of the hand of his boyfriend and fiancé. They smiled, reflecting in his eyes all the love they felt for each other; it was something tangible and unquestionable. They loved each other, and no one could deny it. Not even Tony.

They knew it. If they didn’t receive the consent and understanding of Peter’s adoptive parents, that wouldn’t be an obstacle to carry out their plans. They'd possibly escape together and get married one way or another. They were born to be together, and would not allow a family disagreement to stop them from merging their lives forever. It was what they wanted.  
And yes, it would sound crazy, and maybe hasty, it would seem to everyone to be just a teenage fantasy. But they didn’t know what was between them, they didn’t feel what they felt, they didn’t understand how much they depended on each other. Wade noticed his life would make no sense if it wasn’t beside Peter, as cheesy as it’d sound. And his feelings for him were well reciprocated. Both parents knew that; they could see it in their faces.

 

Steve looked at them both, drawing a soft smile at the corners of his lips.

-          So… When would the wedding be?

 


End file.
